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Office Diversions Mousepads and Other Diverting Nonsense

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Diversionary Glossary

[ Idea Hamsters ]
People who always seem to have their idea generators running.Other definitions...

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Office Laboratory Experiments : Make a Paper Camera

What can you do with those extra sheets of strong paper? Why, make a camera, of course!

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Office Laboratory Experiments : An Experiment in Corporate Policy

Here is a complicated experiment that may have never occured but is well worth considering, since most of us have seen it happen, just without the monkeys.

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Office Laboratory Experiments : Office Diversions Laboratory Experiments

Here is where we can take advantage of the high technology that surrounds us to conduct some groundbreaking research. Please share with us your experiments from work so that others may duplicate and verify your results, as is the nature of true scientific exploration.

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IMPORTANT LIFE EXPECTANCY SURVEY

Life is too short
not to lengthen it...

Important Survey Reveals Long-term Medical Importance of Active On-the-job Stress Reduction

An impartial international survey just concluded by the Statistical Research Arm & Kidney of Office Diversions announced Thursday that between five and sixty minutes per work day of active engagement in an intrinsically non-productive activity, such as a visit to Office Diversions, can prolong your life.

”Thanks to the Office Diversions’ jokes I've been reading and word search puzzles I’ve been doing at work for the past few months,” said Elbert Clamptrow, 47, a fictional Actuarial Assistant from Lima, Idaho, ”I expect to live at least three weeks longer.”

Clamptrow explained that he generally programs his voice-mail with ”Elbert is in a meeting” in order to achieve the clam and dental focus required to find a particularly challenging up-left diagonal. We think he meant ”calm” and ”mental”.

Furthermore, a five-minute visit to OD has been proven to be at least 88% less likely to give you lung cancer or heart disease than a five-minute cigarette or narcotics break.

Other results indicate dramatic life-span improvements thanks to OD-provided on-the-job therapy, as catalogued in the chart below:

Estimated results for daily OD visitation over a period of fifteen work-years:

Minutes spent visiting Office Diversions / day

Extra life (weeks, est.)*

0

0

5-10

1-15

11-20

16-40

21-60

41-200

>60

-20 (due to stress associated with premature canning)

Chart courtesy OD Research Arm & Kidney. Survey consisted of numerous off-the-cuff questions asked, often over beer, of various still-living friends and acquaintances of OD staff members. Individual results may vary. Results are inconclusive, as individuals questioned have not yet exceeded their expected life expectancies.

* Barring unforeseen death